23 Ocak 2013 Çarşamba


I'm in an idle brute stupidity for in your absence what is there to do? I cannot learn unless you tutor me and all my business dealings are with you. I've never had to earn a living wage. Others kept me. I was on my own. But if you have employment, i'll engage to be your menial without a moan. Have fun then with the rich and clever crowd. Give me the heavy work. I'll hump your stuff, I'll wash and clean for you. If I'm allowed to do your bidding that will be enough. For when you look at me you make me feel I own the love with all its coal and steel. I know you've gone. You left me vegetating. The vacant season bores me worse and worse. The yokels here are busy copulating. Our local hero's travelling (in a hearse). But what your body's doing now I don't know nor why the hours are slowing down today nor when tonight my dream of you should go to meet your dream of me somewhere halfway. Don't be afraid: time won't abandon you and doubtful things will pass beyond a doubt. Your narrow bed is wide enough for two. We'll have the kisses we have done without. And I shall know that you are with me then and not know when you'll go away again. So we can sit and stand around a bit. I'll drink my coffee and you drink your wine. Then say goodbye. Let's make the most of it: An hour of yours that's still an hour of mine. For every love has its contingency and puts itself first. Loves of all kinds do. I've got no money so you'll not want me. You love your life and what I love is you. They're waiting for you in the posh places. Hurry along now or you'll miss your chance. They are the loaded men, they feed their faces. My dream of you is an irrelevance. And if I'm sad that makes you laugh, I know. But never mind: I'm not your business now. The time we might have called it love has gone. You've had as much of love as you can stand. We use a boy who hasn't any friend but comes and goes when someone takes him on. The gifts and names he bears are not his own. He goes between, and we get more remote and though he kisses us we keep him out and we are not together and not alone. We have no love to give. It's time he went. There's nothing for us now in his misery. The kisses we give are a formality. The names we speak are not the ones we meant. We cannot be together unless we know We are alone with nowhere else to go. I'm in a place where you have never been. There's arty conversation at weekends. I'm home again. I'm not still in here. But things like this, they always end the same. We've said "Auf Wiedersehen" for good, I know. It can't be helped and you are not to blame. Don't lose your beauty sleep. I wonder though on sundays when you all meet up to catch some little local train and you're about to climb aboard, whether you'll turn and watch The big transcontinentals pulling out. But then: go with the gent who's kissing you. I haven't paid. Do what you have to do? Es regnet auf mir in den Schottische Lande Wo ich mit Dir noch nie gewesen bin Man redet hier von Kunst am Wochenende Bin jezt zu Hause, nicht mehr in Berlin So kommt es immer vor in diesen Sachen Wir sehen uns nie wieder, hab' dein Ruh: Du hast kein Schuld und es ist nichts zu machen Sieh' immer besser aus, und nur wenn Du Am Bahnhof mit Bekannten triffst, O dann Als Sonntagsbummelzuge fertig stehen Und Du einsteigen willst, kuk einmal an Den Eisenbahnen die dazwischen gehen. Sonst, wenn ein olle Herr hat Dich gekusst Geh mit; ich habe nichts bezalt; Du must.

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